A to the K...9

T'other week, the non story of a woman putting her neighbour's cat in a bin became not only news but headline news. Well the BBC is obliged to act in accordance with the principles of balance and inpartiality so it was only a matter of time before the delivery of some canine counter programming.

As if the rest of the world didn't already have a surfeit of reasons to look down upon the English, this weekend's top news is that primary school kids in Maidstone Kent will be reading to dogs.... Yes, public service investment has been pulled back to the extent that Local Education Authorities are now looking further down the species list to recruit teaching staff… It's political correctness gone barking mad I tells ya. No doubt The BNP will be attempting to win support by insisting that only old English sheepdogs and "indigenous" breeds are considered for the post - "British classes for British dogs."

TBH, giving children a passive, non-judgemental - and above all, cuddly –audience over which they have both perceived and actual intellectual superiority sounds like a good idea. It’s a relatively cheap and simple way to help to boost public speaking skills and general self-esteem levels. Let’s not forget how plenty adults routinely talk to their imaginery friend who they not only believe to be real, omniscient and omnipotent but also with nothing better to do with such omniscient omnipotence than listen to their whiney little problems.

Here's an excuse for a few dog-related vids to blow your woofers.

If you like your orange squash with a twist of casual racism, you'll love Kiora. The crows from Dumbo are back and now they've got some basketballin, jive talkin buddies.

This song is the Adam & Eve of Westcoast hip hop - it's certainly 99.5% the DNA of everything Paris has released since 1992.

Apparently all the other rappers in the known universe were busy that day so George Clinton had no other choice but to call on professional Mumra impersonator Coolio to ride this remix.

Where your dogs at? Well if you weren't so (reportedly) cranked up on crack, steroids and fraudulently obtained prescription narcotics, you'd know that they're all locked in your kid's bedroom - apart from the one dismembered, incinerated carcass you buried in the back yard.

Well I don't think hell is funny - I have it on good authority that it is "hot" and "dark."  Nonetheless, Aries Spears is/was like the Rory Bremner of hip hop.

 

Technorati Tags: dogs,where my dogs at,dog chod,canine literacy,woofers and tweeters

Real Gon kid

Gon "Consider Violence" Show @DePaul from Sindre Rønningen on Vimeo.

 

Truth is, Gon is the most relevant rapper you're gonna hear today....and tomorrow.....and the day after that....and.....

  I cannot recommend his Consider Violence album highly enough.  A refreshingly passionate lyricist with some much-needed perspective.  Once yu've enjoyed that^ live footage, go get the full lowdown on the fella.Here's Gon's bio.

Technorati Tags: Gon,Urchin Studios,quality hip hop,conscious rap,live footage

#Who's the Bastards wot can rap?#

If hip hop could receive colonic irrigation, (and Dog knows it needs it) Tinie Tempah's where they'd shove the pipe.  Here comes the Bastard Sunz, BELIEVE THE HYPE.   

The Bastard Sunz are a blimmin brill supergroup coming straight outa boogie down Bristol.  Their album, Le Discoteque Martyrdom drops September 30th.  In the meantime, here's a cheaky little taster.  It's "UK hip hop" but, thankfully, not as we've come to know it.

 

The Bastard Sunz present Le Discotheque Martyrdom - album preview by B'Tilla the Cunt

Technorati Tags: The Bastard Sons,quality hip hop,Ke$ha must die,prelude to a classic

A masterclass in public shrieking

I never knew that Vinnie Paz was a Republican and that his real name was Phil Davison.  If nothing else, the following footage is ample demonstration of the value of a degree in Communications. 

 

You go Phil! Can't knock the Hustings!

 

Phil, leave it to the professionals....The professional

WARRIORS!!!!!!

 

 

Technorati Tags: Phil Davison,MOP,Bert & Ernie,Public speaking

Ras Kass Versus The Saturdays

 

The original star wars trilogy was like a third parent to me. Sesame Street told me my A to 'Zee' and Luke 'n Darth taught me about good and evil and that severe respiratory ailments are no obstacle to a successful career in totalitarian middle management. I used to look up to rappers. For most of my childhood, rap records were a bounteous source of much edutainment. Alas however, there comes a time when one must put away childish things and see parents and heros for who and what they truly are. The second Star Wars trilogy and the dreadful Clone wars CG animated movie laid waste to any illusions I held concerning Star Wars' spiritual and cinematic worth. Passing a few GCSEs showed me that perhaps my favourite rappers weren’t up to scratch in the intellectualism stakes.

Ras Kas is either the worst example of hip hop’s pseudo intellectualism or a pioneer in ignorant rap. His magnum opus Nature of the threat was a monumental litany of urban myths and thinly veiled racism articulated via a cavalcade of lies and bullshit. I might one day conduct a line-by-line correction of NOTR but there isn't yet enough virtual red pen ink in the internet to do so.

In his mostly-filler, no-killer, kickstarter.com/fan-funded double CD ADIDAS, Rasi Kassi takes the odd break from griping about how unappreciated and irrelevant he has become to drop some good ol' junk science. In the Skillz-guesting Linguistics, Ras returns to his favourite area of unexperties, namely Classical antiquity. O boy…

Revisitting one of the especially dumb passages of NOTR, Ras Kass decides to break down the origins of the names for the days of the week. All is well until he rehashes the Christmas = Saturnalia fallacy.

Where to start?

1: Yes Saturday is named after Saturn who is also the name of a god. Moreover, given how Saturday is also named after the word for Saturn in India, Thailand and the Celtic nations of Europe,it is more likely that the sixth day is named after the sixth planet first, deity second.

2: Saturn was the *ROMAN* god of agriculture and nothing to do with Greeks. The closest Greek counterpart would be Titan Kronus (BTW, that film Clash of the Titans and it's tagline "Titans will clash" should be done under trading descriptions 'cus there is not one Titan to be found in the entire movie. The movie is about demigod Percius and the Olympians.

3: Saturn was one of many-many characters in Roman pantheology. Roman culture was not some homogenous monotheism where everybody across the empire pledged allegiance to the same chaps according to a single calendar. Different regions and their rulers had their own talismanic idols. Roman gods were like the Nandos Hotspurs and Woolwich Wanderers of their time.

4: If Christmas and the Christ story are derivative of anything, then that would be the story of indo-Persian sun god Mithras, not Saturn. Check the similarities:

• -Virgin birth in lolely circumstances (perhaps a stable)
• -birth attended by shepherds.
• -Born on December 25
• -had twelve disciples
• -claimed to be saviour promising eternal salvation and immortality to followers
• -enjoyed a last supper with followers during which his disciples imbibed the blood-of-his-blood, flesh-of-his-flesh.
• -died and was resurrected on Sunday.
• -depicted as the light-bringer with glowing halo.

With all due respect, Ras Kass should stick to what he knows best: juvenile alcoholism, drinking & driving, vehicular manslaughter and cranking out reams of tedious crassness. His abuse and misuse of classical Greek culture is getting old - how would he like it if the tables were turned and a Greek rapper dropped some home truths about American "Culture?" (that would be a short song I know but you gets the point). Ras Kass is to classicism what Prince Philip is to Pan Afrikanism.

If you didn't participate in the kickstarter.com venture, (I did but am still waiting on my T-shirt, CD and vinyl) Ras Kass's ADIDAS and Goldenchyld 2 single are out now via bandcamp.

 

Technorati Tags: Ras Kass,Adidas,Saturn,A little knowledge is a dangerous thing,ignorant rap,The gods must be crazy,history

Treat Pussy right

...and once again, today's You've-gotta-be-kitten-me News headline: Coventry woman puts neighbour's tabby cat in a wheelie bin.

ARE...YOU...SERIOUS!?!?!?!?!?

So Sky, The BBC and ITN's rolling "news" services have nowt better to do than hound Coventry bank-worker Mary Bale for putting her neighbour's moggy in a bin..... Really? Well I guess the suffering of millions of Pakistanis, 30 trapped Chilean miners, the folk caught up in that bus siege in Manila and the thousands of travellers stuck in the world's biggest traffic jam in China/Tibet don't amount to a hill of beans when compared with some fleabag cat? Sheesh. Makes me wonder what these news channels bumped off the schedule in order to focus on this most weighty of event?....

So anyway... Here's some feline themed filmic fulfilment.

First up, here's my hero, Bagpuss. It's the one about the marvellous mouse mill. It's a powerful allegory about Tony Blair's sexed-up WMD Dossier - well know, it's just a lovely little story.

 

Rap mocumentary Fear of a Black hat was unjustly overshadowed by lacklustre Chris Rock vehicle CB4. The former remains a sharp satire on NWA/PE-era hip hop. The latter was shit Here's a novel take on C&C Music Factory's "Good vibrations."

 

…And Finally, here’s to the definitive Catwoman, Julie Newmar.

 

 

 

Technorati Tags: I smell pussy,Bagpuss,Mary Bale

“Does he take Sugar, from behind?”

You gotta love the silly season huh?

In the absence of parliamentary activity and everything from Big Brother and X-Factor through to Israel or Northern Ireland rumbling along as per usuals, the unduly privileged dung beetles to which we give the laughable accolade "professional journalists" struggle to fill the airtime and column inches with genuine news. We've had the annual animal cruelty sob story with the parasailing donkey in Russia. We've had the giant monster animal invasion story with giant super rats terrorising a Bradford council estate (Well Kerry Katona and her litter have got to live somewhere right?). We're amid the annual furore over GCSE/A-level standards and the scarcity of university places. So please spare a thought for those privately educated, Oxbridge-alumni, Islington tossers, Hoxton Trash and condescending professional-“working-class” tabloid editorial staff who are running on empty. Please spare a thought, a place in your heart and a special shit-filled-pit in hell for these highly paid school bullies who, come rain snow or shine, are on constant search for a scapegoat to be saddled with their latest sensationalist spite.

Despite being owned by notorious tax-dodging parasites, The Telegraph as been on a courageous crusade to expose where our tax ££££££££££s are being wasted.  First came the MP expenses, then the BBC expenses and now, when all other legitimate targets have been hit, it's time to pick on the most vulnerable sector of society. Yes! Apparently it isn't the Trident nuclear programme, high-risk banking, nor the Olympics,  nor reckless petroleum companies that are responsible for the wreckage of the British economy. Nope. The reason You're being laid off, the reason prices are rising,  the cause of poor policing and the reason the hospitals are crumbling is because one developmentally handicapped fella is using some of his social welfare to go on holiday and visit a sex worker.

 

Preach on! Let's give those leaching disabled the thorough kicking-in that's been coming to them ever since they began their dirty little lifestyle choice.  or, in the words of The Daily Mail's Bellend Mooney,

"Good God, it used to be basketmaking and physiotherapy, but now it's sexual awareness." 

 

If you want the "news" in full, here ya go:

The Mail  and The Telegraph reports.

Predictably, the daily mail decided to wade in with an utterly bigotted, profoundly contradictory take on the telegraphs original misrepresentation of events. Special mention goes to the Mail for using the tasteful noun "madness" when misreporting the activities of a learning disabled fella – well done you fucking R Tards!According to the asinine braying of Bell Mooney, "Some 53 per cent of councils are said to have a strategy that ' explicitly empowers' disabled people to pursue their sexual aspirations. Once , the disabled lobby campaigned for proper access. Now it sounds like improper access is also on the agenda." 

 

 

AS any right-minded person can appreciate, such irresponsible abuses of journalism sent me into a fury. It's only now, a week on, that the red mist has lifted and I can start to think about this rationally. I sought solace from sacred texts and in the holy scripture Me against the world, prophet Tupac Amaru Kevin Humphrey Massingbird Shakur (Peas be upon him) decreed:

 

 

"...they punish the people that's askin questions, And those that possess, steal from the ones without possessions.  The message I stress: to make it stop study your lessons, Don't settle for less - even the genius asks questions…"

(Chapter 3, Verse 3).

And then Big Al Einstein said:

“The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions - which time and mediocrity can solve.”

(but I couldn't find his video on youtube)

 

So, with this in mind, I shall endeavour to articulate my feelings in the forms of questions. In no particular order:

• Q: What kind of monged out spacker dribbling scribblers are The Telegraph employing these days? Does it really take three supposedly 'professional' journalists to plagiarise and then misrepresent the press release of the TLC and Outsiders charities?
• Q: When did plagiarism of a press release ever constitute an "investigation?"
• Q: When did prefixing blatant falsehoods with "it seems....." or "Now...." transform falsehoods into facts? When did this become standard practice at The Daily Mail?
• Q: How many severely physically, mentally, sensory or developmentally disabled people: Host their own 1Xtra show? Have their own regular Mail column? Occupy a correspondents' position at the Telegraph which is not disability/diversity related? (NB: being blind to facts, deaf to more enlightened views and voluntarily incapable of moving off your lard-arsed complacency are not legitimate disabilities).
• Q: Why does the fella have to go to Amsterdam? What's wrong with Our own grown British Whores? Is this yet another example of those blasted Brussels bureaucrats dictating how and where to get our Rompuy-pumpy?
• Q: Since when does one isolated instance constitute a nationwide trend? How can The Daily Mail simultaneously pluralise one mundane fact into "the thin-end of the wedge" catastrophe whilst giving the misleading impression that £520,000,000 are being ring-fenced solely to procure one prostitute for one man?
• Q: "....Tim was lucky. So are those disabled men and women who, within specialised residential homes, fall in love and marry." Wow! If I'm "lucky," that's what I can look forward to? So us Disabled folk should hope that we are put in institutions and then have to settle for sexual congress with a fellow inmate? Is Bell Mooney not in fact confusing disability with being in prison? What did I do wrong to receive this life sentence and what gives Bell Mooney the right to sit as prosecution, judge, jury and jailer?
• Q: "Once , the disabled lobby campaigned for proper access. Now it sounds like improper access is also on the agenda." So, Ms Mooney.... this "disability lobby?" Where on the professional paranoiacs' paint-chart does it fall? (i.e. where between "The Gay Illuminati Islamists and the shape-shifting PC-Brigade does the fearsome threat of the “Disability lobby” register?)
• Q: What's "improper" about giving the learning disabled education and advice on sexual health such as birth-control and the prevention of STIs?
• Q: Can you imagine how soul-crushingly embarrassing it is for any individual to have to speak with their local council about the most private of needs and desires? Can you imagine how humiliating it would be to have these confidential matters splattered across the tabloid press and talk radio? How does this public exposure aide to counter the social alienation of “The Great Ignored?”
• Q: If You don't like "human rights" then what's stopping you from fucking off to Somalia, Afghanistan or Zimbabwe where citizens have been liberated from all human rights and are “free” to disregard the human rights of their fellow man?
• Q: You self-appointed moral arbiters style yourselves as "Libertarian" but why should the core Libertarian principles of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness" apply to everybody apart from the disabled? Is not "the pursuit of happiness" as important as the other two members of the libertarian trinity?
• Q: Why does the unelected far-right organisation The Tax Payers' alliance enjoy such a disproportionately loud media presence? Why invite the TPA to reiterate their mendacious slogans and then neglect to ask a single disabled person for their informed opinion?
• Q: If the TPA want "small government" and hate "the nanny state" (NB: Only those whose families were financially fortunate enough to use nannies to raise their sprogs use the term "nanny state") to whom do I post the one-way airfares to Somalia?
• Q: When Your bank account is credited with that week's wages, does your PAYE slip come with a set of puritanical provisos, specifying on what you can spend your money and from where you are to obtain these products and services?
• Q: How many of the thousands of teenaged/twenty-something ASBO-monkeys and slap-addicts engaging in bestial debauchery in our city centres from Thursday-till-Sunday are in receipt of tax credits or some sort of social welfare?
• Q: If it is legal for an able bodied person to purchase services from dating-networks, lap-dance venues, escort agencies and massage parlours (which it is) why should the disabled be denied this civil liberty?
• Q: Who started this fallacy that We get to pick and choose where every penny of the national revenue goes? If so, whose leg do I have to hump to get my rebate for: Wembley Stadium, The Millennium Dome, The London Olympics, foreign aide to China, The "Change 4 Life" propaganda campaign, Trident, Chris Moyles, Scottish devolution, Tim Westwood - and not forgetting, Richard Hammond's costly air ambulance ride and NHS emergency treatment for his self-inflicted stupidity?
• Q: If social welfare provision is now to be rationed according to tabloid "morality," will the disabled also be scorned for eating bacon, prawns and other Harem/non-kosher foods?
• Q: Should all benefits recipients (which, one way or another, is *everybody* in the UK) be sensitive to the beliefs of vegetarians and vegans and be banned from wearing leather or eating Roast beef?
• Q: If Mathew Elliot, those three unwise monkeys at The Telegraph and Bell Mooney were to be struck disabled tomorrow, would they be willing to relinquish all human rights and have their status as human beings revoked? Would their sexual needs and desires disappear overnight? Would they gladly accept that they no longer matter?
• Q: If one suffers (either at birth or due to, say, medical negligence) from a sensory, physical, mental or developmental disability, should they not be able to use welfare provision to enable them to enjoy an as "normal" life as possible?
• Q: If driving lessons enable the individual to become a more active and engaged member of their community (not to mention economy and job market), surely that's a good thing?
• Q: What's wrong with this statement? "Zoe Grace Cozens, who wrote the council's policy on learning disability and sexuality, said the authority also had a duty of care to ensure that those with learning disabilities were not being exploited financially, if they paid for prostitutes from their own money.  "That could mean care workers phoning to check what rate sex workers were charging," she added." The definition of "Social care" no? Seemples.
• Q: Is sexual fulfilment not a primary drive of all life-forms? Is social and sensual experience not the motivation (and goal) of most human behaviour?
• Q: If one suffers from a physical, mental, sensory or developmental disability but has their sexual desires and related cognitive faculties in tact, why shouldn't they utilise any/all available help to engage in consensual physical intimacy? ?
• Q: If one suffers from a learning, physical or sensory disability and also happens to be Gay, lesbian, transvestite, transsexual, inter-gender (or somewhere else on the gender/sexuality spectrum other than missionary-position-hetero), how are they to enjoy a fully meaningful and rewarding existence unless they ask for practical/financial help? How does a Gay quadriplegic explore their sexuality? How does a transvestite person with cerebral palsy express their identity?
• Q: If Bell Mooney, Richard Littledick, Jon Gaunt and other grandstanding hypocrites and Hatemongerers were forced to acknowledge the existence of gay, lesbian, transsexual, transvestite and inter-gender disabled, how high would their heads exploding register on the ricta scale?
• Q: These "journalists" will no doubt plead some spurious "public interest" in "exposing" this expenditure - were they all so vocal when bosses of bailed-out banks used public finances to take clients to lap-dance clubs and massage parlours? Where's the hysteric outrage at the use of "Tax payers' money" by incompetent bankers to shoot their wad up corporate hospitality?
• Q: how much of licence-fee revenue can be identified as having not been used for sexual gratification of BBC "talent?"

 

 

Mooney's spectacularly contradictory rant does (in true "I'm not a sexist/racist/twat BUT....I've got a Black/crippled/gay BFF...." STYLEE) pay lip-service to the true authors of the investigation:

"Organisations such as The Outsiders and TLC (Tender Loving Care) do invaluable work to recognise the sexual needs of the disabled and do what they can to help - campaigning in a pretty forthright way."

 

- Hence their FOI application  - and all their good work is undone by a single, wrong-headed, sub-literate piece of snideness by you. Are you proud of yourself? Do you sleep soundly at night knowing that you are paid to pump your cognitive sewege into the popular conscious?

 

Fortunately, You (the Great British public) have defied my fears and of the 250 or so Comments on the Telegraph website, the overwhelming majority have ranged from spot-on through to at least trying to imagine what it would be like to be disabled and/or on the receiving end of such institutionalised bigotry. Special props to Jonathan Handforth:

"....he gets this fund to spend on what he wants to improve quality of life, and if this is what helps his mental well-being, of someone whose ability to get sex in the normal way is impaired, then as a taxpayer, I fully approve. I don’t think anyone realises what its like to be impaired in this way (as someone with Asperger Syndrome, I sort of do - although I've got laid a few times, it has been far from plain sailing compared to my peers). If you did, perhaps you might sympathise more."

"I can't believe how irresponsible this is. At a time when disabled people are being told they're scroungers and scum, the last thing we need is salacious gossip highlighting some very minority and unusual cases and failing to understand just how difficult life is for those disabled people who are unable to work and have to endure the benefits system and its impenetrable forms and target-driven medical assessments. It's not just irresponsible, it's idiotic. You might find a girl who would have the compassion to have regular sex with, say, the cerebral palsied, but the expression 'hens' teeth' springs to mind. It's bad enough being normal and trying to get regular sex from a compassionate girl."

 

 

If a disabled person has no option than to seek council help to obtain ersatz physical intimacy from a sex worker then surely that says more about society than that poor sod.  I don't blame anybody with a sensory, physical or mental disability for wanting to use internet dating/hook-up services. Anything that eliminates alienation and allows people to live up to their potential is worth its weight in gold. In the wise-wise words of the author of the same Difference blog:

"Have these ‘many taxpayers’ ever thought that if more people considered having romantic relationships with disabled people, maybe then we wouldn’t need to consider paying for our romantic pleasure at all!"

 

Ian Dury (RIP) is a fucking legend. Do the knowledge.

Technorati Tags: Bell Mooney,The Telegraph,Disability,sex,prostitutes,mumsnet,Ian Dury,Silly season